2nd Place IrishFest-La Crosse 2007
By Chris

I want you all to raise your glasses and have a drink with me.
And then drink again, then drink a third time for Irishfest number three.

To all the women here tonight, may you take home the man that you pick.
But make sure you mind the amount that he drinks or he could get whiskey dick.

To you men with your sweethearts, your girlfriends, your wives.
May they love only you and no other.

But be careful your sweethearts and girlfriends and wives never meet
and find out about each other.

And now raise your glasses and drink to your drinks,
and salute the invention of beer.

For without it, La Crosse wouldn't have all these fests
that we drink at all throughout the year.

My tummy starts .. tingling and'my heart strarts to grow
when I see my foamy friend.

Then my tummy starts growing and my arteries tingle
with each thirst quenching elbow-bend.

Champagne costs too much and tequila's too rough
and vodka makes assholes appear.

So give praise to God for on the eighth day
He called out "LET THERE BE BEER"

If you date Irish people, I've heard, t'be sure, that you will be greatly rewarded;
'Cuz they can go out and drink like a fish,
and they screw like it's being recorded.

I drink last to the makers of Irishfest, we give many thanks to you.
You knew only one Saint Patty's Day a year just wouldn't do.

So now I end this toast to go and drink a whole lot more,
Then go home, pass out, and sleep 'tll the day comes Irishfest number four.

Sláinte!

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IrishFest-La Crosse 2007-B
By Chris

To my parents I drink to your health when I'm with you
I drink to your health when alone
I once drank to your health for 3 days straight
And now I'm worried about my own

To all Irishfesters, to family and friends, to the people I love most
I didn't write this toast for you. For beer I wrote this toast.
To those who receive a beer from their friend, make sure you thank them a ton.
Because NO beer tastes as good as a FREE beer ... unless it's a stolen one.

To all of the problem drinkers tonight to which each drink is such a fuss;
There's only "one step" in my little group called alcoholics unanimous.

Top those who stay sober, who don't ever drink
'Cuz they think it's make them a jerk
I say nothing's wrong with a cocktail or two
At 7am ... at work

But if it sounds in your head like you're slurring a little,
you're doing it worse than you think.
But if you think it's a lot, then you're not speaking English,
and you've probably had your last drink.

I'll have a drink or two when I'm able, or maybe 5 or 8 glasses of ale
But after 15 I'm under a table, any more and I'm probably in jail

To the real Irish folk who drink whiskey for breakfast
And have Irish Cocktails with dinner
And if you've never had an Irish Cocktail;
It's a pint of Guinness with a potato in her

So here's to you and those like you
There's good times for you ahead
And here's to me and those like
There's not many ... and they're probably dead.

Sláinte!

click here to watch Chris' toast